Be real with me here: How many times have you double-tapped your friend's Instagram story while thinking, "I miss them!" yet haven't seen them in months? Or you and a friend have a text thread active with memes but really haven't connected in a while? Finished a conversation with "let's catch up some time" and neither of you puts a plan in motion?
If your full-time job is adulting then you've probably experienced all of the above. (I, too, feel seen.) Research shows that while our lives have become busier, our need for meaningful connections hasn't changed—if anything, it's grown stronger.
Gathering for a Reason
"Let's hang out sometime" is basically the equivalent of "I'll start my diet on Monday". Neither ever happens. The key to modern friendship maintenance is turning "sometime" into "next Thursday at 7 PM at Sarah's place for wine and board games."
Why Leads to What and Where
Thinking about why you are meeting up with a friend or group makes the rest so much easier. Especially when you have a busy life. Often the focus is on the Who and When but the Why is important to your intentions, even if the gathering is casual.
Leaving that step out makes finding the place to meet or what to do more vague, and often people will settle on what they have done or already know. Nothing wrong with your neighborhood restaurant or the same dive you always go to, but is that really the best for why you're getting together?
The Power of Purpose-Built Tools
Calendar apps are great for tracking dentist appointments or organizing business meetings, and party planning apps are great for your big events. Gathering in more intimate groups requires a different approach. This is what Maybe Brunch focuses on and looks to help with as we grow.
We all have a flaky friend.
I repeat: We all have a flaky friend. You know who they are (oh snap, maybe it's you!) Flakiness often comes from:
- Overcommitment (saying yes to everything because FOMO is real)
- Decision fatigue (too many choices paralyze us)
- Lack of clear plans (when details are fuzzy, commitment wavers)
Using a tool that simplifies the details and sends adequate reminders helps a lot. But also having a clear reason for getting together helps. And here we are, back at why.
The "Everyone's Too Busy" Syndrome
No one's getting less busy anytime soon. The trick isn't finding more time, it's using the time you have more effectively. You don't need an all day brunch to catch up. If 15 minutes for coffee is what you have, then 15 minutes catching up is better than coffee by yourself right? Those 15 minutes here and there add up. Even better if you can turn it into a recurring event.
Making It Happen
Ready to be the friend who makes things happen? Here's your blueprint for success:
The Meetup Formula
- Pick your timing wisely, and give a fair but limited amount of time options.
- Make it specific ("chips. beers. guys." is too vague; "dinner with the neighbors from the apt. 106 days" is clear).
- Focus on who you want to be around, every meetup isn't for every person you know.
- Build in flexibility without losing commitment.
- Follow up with appreciation (because everyone loves feeling wanted).
Building Sustainable Friendship Habits
Start small. Rather than trying to reorganize everyone's social calendar, begin with ideas like:
- One monthly anchor event
- A rotating host system
- Simple activities that encourage conversation
- Finding spaces that are comfortable and safe for all
Remember: Gathering intentionally doesn't mean every meetup needs to be Instagram-worthy. Sometimes the best hangouts are just takeout and talk. And maybe it's time to put that phone down anyway.
Conclusion
However you decide to plan it, your friendships are worth more than ad-hoc meetings and "we should catch up" texts. They deserve intentional time, genuine connection, and yes, maybe too much wine on a school night. And it all starts with thinking about why.
Ready to try a different approach to everything I just wrote about? Try Maybe Brunch.